Twisted History Pages

Twisted History of Hammered Dulcimers

In my effort to push the envelope of research in dulcimer history in directions it has never been pushed before (and in directions it should perhaps never have been pushed), I offer the following hitherto unknown and recently fabricated historical facts, complete with fully unauthenticated graphical insubstantiation. If you appreciate seriously unauthenticated historical research to embellish your dulcimer performances with tall tales, or simply need questionable proof to win a bet, our Department of Redundancy, Mendacity, Historicity and Redundancy Department is here to assist you.

"We should treat facts with respect, for there are not many of them around." - James Kilpatrick
"...and you certainly won't find many of them here." - The Kitchen Musician

More Twisted History - Dulcimers in Ancient Egypt and Assyria
Twisted Art History
Still More Twisted History
Autographed Bach and Mozart Pictures

-J. S. Bach at His Dulcimer

Bach relaxes at home with his hammer dulcimer given to him by friend and fellow composer Pantaleon Heibenstreit. Given only two hands and two hammers, the dulcimer was limited to two voice fugues, and Bach did not play dulcimer in public. Etching from a recently discovered 5 1/4 floppy in the Bach library dumpster. Authenticated and fully prevaricated by the Fraudio Deceptini archives in Naples.





Wolfgang Mozart and His Sister

The Dulcimer Enters the Classic Period With The Magic Dulzimer K 33 1/3, later produced as an opera with the lighter weight flute replacing the dulcimer, and Eine Kleine Hammermusik K 3.14159. On hearing Mozart perform on the dulcimer, Mozart's rival Salieri said: "Very pretty, Herr Mozart. Was that real music, or just something you made up?" From a copy in the Plagarius Pfalzstoff Museum in Hammerburg.


More Twisted History - The Great Dulcimers of Cheops, Assyrian Dulcimers

Twisted Art History - Dulcimers in the Art World

Dulcimers In Space

Autographed Pictures of Bach and Mozart

To obtain an autographed copy of the Bach and Mozart pictures, simply do the following:

1. Download Bach, or Mozart. (if you have trouble with the AOL browser, try running Netscape or Explorer)
2. Print the downloaded picture.
3. Get a pen (preferably ballpoint) and autograph the printout.


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